On a Mission

This past week I’ve been recovering from a break-up.

I knew the end was inevitable, that it was time to part ways, yet even after I did, I am still left with a sense of longing and aching in my heart. I try to keep my mind distracted and focus on upcoming things, but I always seem to drift back to previous times, filled with laughter, smiles, and excitement. Moving on has been filled with typical mood swings, sometimes wanting to talk about past times to everyone, and other times not wanting to talk at all.

I gave my heart and never got it back. I left my heart in Haiti with my soccer girls, the beautiful country, and all of the incredible people I had a chance to meet and work with.

But like every other transition in life, life does go on. That’s one of the weirdest things. Coming back to the United States, I felt as if time must have stood still while I was gone. It was like I said “Time Out”, left for a couple months, then returned and said “Time In.” Nothing has seemed to change around me, but I know I have. How do I adjust? I can’t just fit back into the mold that I had previously slipped into. Again, like with relationships and friendships, you come out a different person a lot of the time, never to be the same again. How do we take our experiences and continue to grow from them? I think we must value who we have become, yet confidently accept that sometimes we might be the only one who understands. We don’t have to force people to understand our thoughts or experiences, but we should continue to strive to connect our experiences with others and appreciate theirs as well. I want to tell everyone about Guatemala and Haiti, yet I have to recognize that not everyone CARES. It is easy to quickly become defeated and hurt by this realization, but it is nothing to be discouraged about. This has been one the most incredible, blessed, exhausting, self-stretching summers of my life. Let me tell you about my last crazy couple of days in Haiti…

Saturday morning I woke up excited to accompany a group of Americans (who came to the mission as a church group) to Anseflour. I really hadn’t left the area of St. Louis, or around the mission for that matter, much since I had been in Haiti. The short term missionaries take trips nearly everyday, but I had my soccer ministry every morning. This Saturday though, we weren’t having soccer until 4, so that gave me enough time to go on the hour and a half truck ride to the Voodoo capital of Haiti. I went there last year on my short term trip, and it was one of my favorite trips. The team I was with had a VBS to do for some kids, so the first thing we did was stop at a school that the mission helps with in Anseflour. They let in about 100 kids, sang songs, did a skit and gave a message, then gave them bags with a toy and a sandwich. After, we took a 10 minute steep hike to a monument. This monument, a big stone cross on top of a cliff, was built 200 years ago by the Catholic Church and its missionaries. It was built to claim the city for God. Soon after it was built though, a storm came and lightening struck the cross and caused the top part of it to be destroyed. The Haitians took this as a sign that Satan had reclaimed the city. In the same storm, it was said that a doll fell from the sky (St. Anne). This is the doll they worship in their temple. Haitians use the site of the monument as a worship area for their voodoo now, and often burn sacrifices of food to different gods on their way up.

When we got up to the monument, there were some women praying near it and over the rocks surrounding it. It was interesting for me to realize that if someone had told me this was a designated Christian place of worship, we would have been viewing those women as blessed and faithful followers. They prayed with the same devotion that I see in many Christians, yet I knew their prayers were empty. Voodoo is a religion that, many times, is dependent upon seeking vindication and personal justice for wrong doings against them. For example, say someone had wronged you…if you practiced voodoo you would take a stick and come up to the monument and hit the monument with the stick with your right hand, then switch to your left. Through this ritual and prayer to St. Anne, St. Anne would be expected to “take care” of that person for you. It is a religion of superstition and fear, something I am so grateful that God has freed us from, yet so sad to see people still in bondage of.

From the monument, we went to the temple. The upcoming Monday was St. Anne’s day, one of their biggest celebrations, so many of the celebrations and parades were taking place while we were there. The temple was crowded with bongos, music, and dancing on the lower level, but we walked up to a room on the upper level where people were praying and holding candles in front of a decorative alter that held a doll in a glass case. Sitting in the room, using the same air to pray to my God as they use to pray to theirs, made spiritual warfare feel so real. But, it’s not like these are evil people I felt like we needed to fight against or shun. It’s part of their culture, it’s part of their belief system, and they are incredibly faithful to it. Many of them call themselves Christians, pray to Jesus, and attend Christian churches on Sundays. There are even pictures of Jesus and Catholic Saints on the walls of their temple. However, Jesus isn’t the only God they worship. They call on former Saints and spirits of evil to do their will, hoping that if they show they are faithful enough, or provide enough monetary, animal, or other tangible sacrifice, then their prayers will be answered. In the back of the temple is a swamp/pond that they believe is Holy water. Really, it is nothing more than dirty, stand still, stinky water. It is heartbreaking to see them place so much trust in it…using it to bathe themselves and their children in, and sometimes even drink. Many families pay money to move into the bottom area of the temple, where they live in an open area with other people who have come in hopes that their faith and prayers will please their gods enough so that they are healed from sickness or poverty. In this area, people sell a lot of alcohol and incense is burned small piles all around.

From the temple we went and ate at a local Haitian restaurant, then spent some time at a beautiful beach before heading back. We got back to the mission around 3:45….I had told the girls to meet outside the mission at 3:30 so we could start the soccer scrimmage by 4. Since we were running late though, we didn’t get up there until 4:15 ish. Since my soccer supplies never came, I didn’t have jerseys or any other soccer supplies for the girls that I had originally planned on providing for them. Right before we left the mission though, one of the Americans said he brought a bag full of football jersey’s. I took it with glee- Whatever works! When we got to the field, I split the girls up into two teams (my teammate Pratt was in charge of one team and I was the coach of the other). The girls loved getting to wear the football jerseys, even though they were basically dresses on them. For the next hour we scrimmaged 10 v 10, where they proved to me that they  had hardly learned anything about playing soccer as a unit and passing the ball down the field. Even though it wasn’t the prettiest “technical” soccer, it was some of the most fun soccer I have ever been a part of. At the end of regulation it was still tied, so we did “PK’s”. We had small goals, so I set up a cone for them to shoot the ball from. Our audience of fans quickly gathered around. It felt like the championship of the world cup! Pratt’s team ending up winning by one, but in the end all of the girls were happy. I think they were too excited about the after-party at the mission to care for too long. A lot of the girls said they wanted to go home and change before the mission, which I didn’t understand. I told them to just come in their soccer stuff, it was basically their normal clothes anyway, and the breeze and evening air had kept pretty much everyone cool. But many of them ran off anyway and then met back at the mission- in their sunday church dresses! One girl, who I had assumed forgot about practice and the party, shower up in a beautiful white dress, confessing she skipped practice to get ready for the party. I realized that many of them probably had never even been to a party before. What is more exciting for a young girl to have the chance to feel beautiful and specially invited?

The original plan was to have rice and chicken for the girls to eat, buy them cokes, then spend the rest of the night dancing and singing. I had had no spare time all day though, so I felt bad that they wouldn’t have the rice and chicken to eat. Instead, I planned on buying them all popcorn. As a I lead them to the separate section where the nutrition program takes place and we would have our party, I saw that Eveline and a couple other American girls I worked with in the cooking area, finishing up the rice and sauce. I couldn’t believe it! It was such a huge blessing and I was so grateful that these girls took it upon themselves to sacrifice their time and energy to prepare a meal for my players. They had been working on it every since I got back from Anseflour. Maurie Landy, a very smart 14 year old player, came with a bag of decorations she made for the party, then asked me if she could sing a song by Rihanna in front of everyone later. First they ate their huge plates of rice, downed their bottles of coke, and were having a blast taking pictures. They loved the coke and kept posing with their bottles. After, Maurie Landy changed into a nice black dress and heels, then got up and sang “Take a Bow” in front of everyone! I was so proud of her and her confidence! I got most of it on tape…the girls gave her a huge standing ovation when she finished.

Then…the party began! We spent the next hour and half singing to the tops of our lungs and dancing. It was hot and we were sweaty, but no one cared. My security guards were there (unfortunately Ramey had to go to a different location that night to work, so he missed out) and so was Wanda’s mom! It was so much getting to dance with them and everyone and singing “Waka Waka eh eh, This one’s for Africa!” over and over and over and over again. I didn’t want the night to end, but it was dark, and many of the girls had to go. We took some group pictures then the girls gathered around me as I said a final goodbye- I didn’t know how to express my unending gratitude towards them. It was because of them I came to Haiti and it was because of them that the whole ministry even existed. I love them so much and have been so excited to see how much they had come together in just a few short weeks- I want them to continue to grow and support one another, to change each other’s lives, and to change their community and country. When I finished saying thanks, they started hugging me and singing “Auvoir Caitlin, Auvoir Caitlin”….so of course…that’s when I cried. I hated saying goodbye, wondering what would happen to these girls after I left.

Many of them I saw again on Sunday at church. I talked with them and their families afterwards, promising we wouldn’t forget each other, but not knowing when for sure I would see them again. They wanted to know when I would be back, but I knew that I couldn’t give them a definite answer, although my heart desires to go back next summer.

After lunch, I went to the soccer field to watch a soccer game that a lot of the guys that worked with me from the mission were on. The community was having a tournament at the school and they were in it. We got there before the game was suppose to start at 3…but of course it didn’t start until 4. Soon though, it was packed and the entire field was surrounded by a very energetic and passionate crowd! A DJ played music the whole time in the background too, so every possibly dull moment was filled with dancing and singing. The game lasted a long time, it was almost 6 and it still wasn’t over. But then a fight broke out right in front of us. I was standing next to Joseph, the head security guard at the mission so he quickly took charge and made sure I was ok. We went ahead and left after that….the game pretty much ended because of the chaos it caused. I was left saying more goodbyes to the security workers and interpreters…Joseph, Ernst, Renald, Ramey, Lunes….thankful for their constant dedication to me and the ministry they showed everyday.

Later on that night, I threw a bridal shower for Natasha, one of the intern girls who I got the closest to at the mission. She is engaged to Grant, who became my friend last summer when I met him in Haiti (is a full time missionary there). All the intern girls got together and played a game, asking her questions that we had previously asked Grant, and then we separated into teams and made wedding dresses out of toilet paper. Then we had a private dance party again…but it wasn’t until I went and got all of the Haitian teeenage girl interpreters staying at the mission that the dance party really got good! We all sang, showed off our special dance moves, and cheered each other on until we were exhausted, sweaty, and had likely caused half of St. Louis to ask what in the world was going on at the mission. It was such a great way to spend my last night. There is no other way to describe it except pure joy.

That night, Natasha and Eveline and I stayed up talking. We talked about everything from when I arrived and how amazing the experience has been. It encouraged me when Natasha said that she had seen a change in the Haitian girls at the mission and the community since the soccer program started for them. Suddenly, they believe they belonged on the soccer field too and they started taking an interest in sports that they didn’t have the confidence to show before. It became normal to see girls grab a ball and start their own soccer game, and not having to sit on the sidelines watching the boys.

Soon, 4 o clock am came too early, and I piled in the back of a truck with some other Americans and drove to Port au Paix to catch our flight to Port au Prince. By 9 that night I was home in Murray, KY. It’s been comforting being at home and reunited with my family. We had a quick family reunion at a cabin in Missouri on Wednesday, the first time all of my siblings had been together in over a year. My sister is back from South Korea for a short time before she returns again to teach English for another year. It is nice knowing that she can also relate to the frustrating feeling of going through changes, yet coming home and feeling like nothing has changed. More than anything, I am so grateful for the support my parents have provided me with.

I know it’s not easy for them when I talk about returning and moving down to Guatemala or Haiti for the rest of my life. Part of me gets so anxious to return that I wish I could quit school and start right now! But other than the typical constraints that hold me back from doing that (i.e. financial support, my parents freaking out, etc…) I know I still have lots of growing to do here first, and lots of things to learn in order to build the tiny, unorganized, unpredictable ministry I did this summer into something sustainable for the future and that will effectively transform the lives of women forever. Plus, there is still plenty of ministry and education and female empowering through sports that needs to be done right in our own backyard! There are young girls who struggle with their self confidence everyday, who are never told they are beautiful, or who are always being compared to others. There are girls who don’t know about the amazing women of the Bible who God chose to use in the story of salvation and redemption- of Deborah’s wisdom and fearlessness, of Ruth’s loyalty, Bathsheeba’s vulnerability, Martha and Mary’s sibling rivalry. Even in our society, people feel lonely and inadequate.  When I get back to Georgetown this semester, I can’t wait to start helping my former teammate Andi Wilhoit, coach a U-13 girls team. I can’t wait to learn about their struggles, to challenge them to grow as individuals, to work together as a team, and to push their limits. These girls, too, can change their communities and their world. The process starts with God, uses soccer, needs education, and ends with a personal choice.

I’m not sure really how to end this blog, because my thoughts still haven’t come to a full conclusion. Yet, I hope that my blog has challenged you to consider situations and perspectives that you might not have thought about before. I encourage you to reach your own conclusions, yet feel free to always ask me questions! I hope you enjoyed reading about my experiences, and I thank you for your support this summer!

I will be posting more videos and pictures to facebook soon.

Oh my gosh. Is it Friday already? This past week has just seemed a blur- especially these past two days. In between soccer practices, talking with the girls, getting in my workouts, playing pick up soccer games, and planning for the next day, I never sit down except to eat my meals. I love God keeping me busy and active with his plans for my day.

My days are busy, but certainly unpredictable.  Yesterday I woke up, went to ASSL practice then came back to the mission to get to soccer practice. The ASSL coach always says something when I’m leaving that is suppose to be make me feel like I need to stay; I always have to remind him that my number one priority is my girls.  When I got back to the mission I got everything ready to go and was looking around for the Americans that were suppose to go with me.  A guy named Jordan came up to me that morning saying that a group of 12 would be coming to help. I saw Jordan and asked where his group was, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, it turned out that it will just be me today. What a trooper. He helped grabbed supplies and we headed out into the chaos- tons of kids in the street surrounded us and started following us to…..I had no idea where. I knew we didn’t have access to either of the soccer fields I knew about, and the church courtyard was just too small to do another day of practice there. That morning, Grant told me about a small field they found a ways behind the mission. It wasn’t an actual soccer field, but it was dirt and it was flat. When I started to follow his directions though it leaded me to a dead end. Have you ever been leading a group of over 50 people and come to dead end, not knowing where in the world to go next?  I frantically asked the interpreters if they knew where this field was or any other place we could go nearby. Finally one said he knew where it was. Thank goodness! I gladly pushed him ahead to lead the way.  10 minutes later, the pathway we were following opened up into a dirt patch on the side of hill surrounded by goats and donkeys. I don’t know why I was surprised when they put down the coolers and balls and told me this was it. I felt so closterphopic and all the kids were yelling my name in a hundred different directions. I had no idea what to do and I felt like I didn’t have enough people to help organize a productive practice. I knew there was nothing I could do and I felt my human emotions creeping up, so I just prayed prayed prayed. Finally, I took another deep breath, turned to Jordan, handed him a soccer ball and asked him if he could distract the boys. Poor guy. He had a great attitude and took off, trying to get the boys to follow him. Meanwhile, I tried to get the girls organized. Since it was so noisy and we had little space, and were on a slope, I just set up cones and decided we would work on our warm-up so they could do it on their own when they play their game. That took up quite a bit of time and they were having fun, and improving! So then we moved to steal the bacon, which is probably my most favorite soccer game ever, but I had no idea how it work out with the girls and on the field we were on.  It’s a game with two teams and everybody has numbers. When a number is called, those 2 people (one from each team) go to the middle and play one v one to a goal.

Getting them to remember their numbers and get organized took awhile, but once we got started it was an absolute blast. Every match-up was incredibly intense and everytime a goal was scored their team went crazy. Soon a crowd formed around the field, everyone was getting into it! It was suspenseful too! One team ended up beating the other 10-9. I got some great video clips of them playing that I can’t wait to upload later.

There were too many people there to pass out water so we walked back to the church and did it there. After, we had a really good discussion about beauty and treating our bodies as God’s temple. At the end, I passed out pieces of paper and pens again and had the girls write a compliment to the person sitting to the right of them and then give it to them. I loved seeing their smiles and them tucking their papers into their pockets. We gathered in a circle to pray and I had them do the hand holding method that my Georgetown team does before games. You cross hands with every other person than bring your arms around your head, resulting in everyone being in a tight-knit, arm-wrapping circle.

Yesterday afternoon consisted of playing soccer mostly. We were going to go to the field by the school after lunch, but as soon as we left it started pouring rain. So we ran back to the mission and decided to play in the gravel courtyard there. It ended up being an intense game of 6 v 6. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much playing in the puddles and non-stop rain. Having a wet, heavy skirt on wasn’t easy, but the fun we had made me forget about anything else.

This morning soccer practice was a little bit differently. I shared Emily’s story on my blog the other night and mentioned that I wanted her to come talk to my soccer girls. Her flight got changed from Saturday to this afternoon, so I had to rearrange practice for after our discussion time, having discussion before rather than after practice like we usually do. The courtyard of the church was absolutely insane when we walked in, and there were people in the church praying, so we waited for a key so we could climb up to the roof. It worked out great! There were more girls there than usual and they all sat quietly engaged in the summed up story she told them. I was so grateful for her to share her story and open up the opportunity for discussing the importance of them supporting one another through the good and the bad. I told them that Emily was leaving today, and I would be leaving on Monday, but they didn’t need us as an excuse to come together, to laugh, to talk, and to play soccer. When I talked about how the way they support and interact with each other can change the way other people interacted too, and that they could change their homes, their city, and their country, I prayed that they were listening with hearts that believed it to. I see such strong, courageous young women in each of them, full of immense potential.

After our talk, we actually got to play on a soccer field!!!!!!!!!!!

The school was done with exams, so we went to the field next to it. We did our warm-up again (they did great!) and then I set up steal the bacon again, except this time we played 2 v 2 (calling out two numbers). Pratt and I played too, making sure that our numbers matched up. It was so much fun and competitive once again. While we played, an audience of the little girls who came to the soccer camps the past couple weeks watched and cheered. After the winning team won, they all started dancing and singing like they won the world cup! We handed out water (that part never seems to get less stressful or crazy) then we handed out the invitations that Pratt and I had made last night for the party I am throwing for them tomorrow. The plan is to meet at the mission at 3:30, walk to the field by 4, and play a soccer game on the field, hopefully with an audience of some of the American missionaries that are here, any of their family, and the community.  Even though I know I can’t do anything about it, there is nothing more I would love to give to those girls tomorrow than jerseys and cleats that were shipped, but never made it here. Even without the gear, I am looking forward to a really fun time. After the game, we are going to come back to the mission for a party- complete with rice, coke, and some of their favorite music (yes, that includes Beyonce)

This afternoon, we played in the pouring rain again. Pratt and I played on the same team and I don’t think either one of us have ever had so much fun. Who would have thought a year ago that we would be playing soccer in the rain in Haiti together? Having her there was special, but it made me miss my other teammates back home as well!

In the morning, I am looking forward to a trip to Anseflour, since I don’t have soccer until the late afternoon. I always miss the trips that the mission groups take because they leave while I am having practice, so I really haven’t left the area around the mission much. I went to Anseflour last year on my short term trip, and remember it being one of my favorite things. The drive there is gorgeous, and it is a place with an interesting history. It is the voodoo capital of Haiti and the voodoo doll that people worship is in a temple there.

At this point, my body is ok, but I can feel that I am getting emotionally exhausted. Hopefully, I am so exhausted that I will have a good night of sleep, despite that my bed has know moved to just across the bathrooms, due to the consistent downpour of rain we have been getting every night. The past couple nights I haven’t slept much 1) because of the mission cats I hear rummaging around everywhere (I’m not very fond of cats…especially when they jump on my mattress at night!) and 2) I can hear everything, including every time someone gets up to use the bathroom. It is rather entertaining though to see people try to find their way to the bathroom in the dark when they are still half a sleep.

Yaaaaawwwwwn. Good night

I have met some amazing women and heard some amazing stories this summer, but I’m not sure if any have been as empowering and inspirational as Emily’s. Emily and her family came to the mission last week, visiting for while before they head back to their home in Lexington, KY. She has three absolutely beautiful children, but besides that I couldn’t help but notice the obvious joy and confidence she naturally emits. We ran into each other a few times, but like all the other people who stay at the mission and come ago, you hardly consider to push conversation past “where are you from” or “how did you sleep last night.” It was different with her though, and I was becoming more and more curious about her story and what she was doing here with her family. I casually asked her what she does for her job and what she is doing here, not expecting her to smile and say it was actually a very long story, but that she would love to share it…she shares it all the time. So last night, a couple other girl interns and I sprawled out on mattresses and listen to Emily’s story.

She grew up Christian and was committed to purity at a young age. When she was 16 though, she was raped. She didn’t tell anyone about it- she just wanted to disconnect. At 17, she started dating a guy from work her parents didn’t approve of so she packed a backpack and left home- living on the streets for three months. She finally moved into a dumpy apartment with her boyfriend, who was physically and emotionally abusive. At 18, she became pregnant, and called her parents to ask to use some of the money they saved for her school to help pay for rent. Instead, she took the money and used it to provide for an abortion. She said that when she went in to the clinic, it was just a dark, miserable place. The women there looked lifeless. The doctors wouldn’t let her see the ultrasound and told her all of the things her baby didn’t have yet- a heartbeat, etc- instead of all of the things she DID have. She walked herself back to the apartment afterwards. She said that it was then her conscience started kicking in and she wanted to start doing things differently. When she was 20, she found out her boyfriend had been sleeping with her “best friend” and when she tried to leave, he picked her up and pinned her against a wall. She screamed, a neighbor came, and she walked away without looking back. Her mother welcomed her home, and although she was still very lost and broken, she remembers her mother praying for her every night, thanking God that she was safe and back home. Not long after, Emily had massage therapy and experienced what it felt like to have positive touch for the first time. She became a massage therapist, wanting to use her hands to bring positive touch to others who don’t experience it. She started thinking about the bond between her and her mother and creating that bond between mother’s and their babies through touch and physical closeness. It is a similar to the Moby wrap that my older sister Nellie wears- used to keep her baby close to her body. Emily developed her own device, one that wraps around and allows you to easily place your baby against your back. The constant closeness is an easy way to create an inseparable bond.

It was about the time that she became a massage therapist that she came to Haiti for the first time too (with her mother and sister). She said she remembers that it made her feel like even though she had been through a lot, she still had so much to be grateful for. She has been coming to Haiti since then for 13 years and now it seems like her two worlds are colliding…

She has the chance to bring her babywrap device to Haiti and implement a program for new mothers in the hospitals here. One hospital the other day, told her that they would want her to make 600 of them every 2 months. The reason why her whole family came to Haiti with her this time, is because they are praying about moving down here. It is something that she feels called to do and I believe can change a society. Like I have talked about why I think God wants to use girls soccer teams to help change the future for women, she talked about why the baby wrap makes such an impact. It creates an inseparable bond, not only between the woman and baby (therefore creating a future better relationship between the mother and child), but also among the women who are in the program together. So many times, impoverished women don’t know how to bond with their babies and are scared they won’t be able to provide for them. A program where they can come together and talk and help each other will create a network of supporters that trickles down and strengthens the next generation, and the next, and the next. HOW AWESOME!!!

Emily is leaving with her family on Saturday, but first, she is going to come talk to my soccer girls on Friday. I can’t wait for them to hear her story and for the rest of the world to experience the impact that God is going to make through her!!

(DISCLAIMER: This is an extremely long blog entry due to my lack of writing the past couple days. If you don’t feel like reading a novel, at least skip down to the end where it reads “I’ve saved this part for last…”)

I had every intention of updating my blog last night and attempting to defeat the daunting task of trying to sum up the most important events, emotions, and thoughts from the last couple of days. However, as soon as I wrote the first sentence I heard the bus had arrived and the rest of the new group was here…for me, this meant that my former teammate and one of my best friends, Kristen Pratt, had arrived! I had been anticipating this day all summer, so I instinctively put down my computer to run out and greet her.  Whenever new groups come, the rest of the night is quickly packed with questions, introductions, and rules of the mission. With a group of about 175 people, it no wonder I never had a chance to return to my computer.

Again, I planned on writing again this morning, but it quickly got filled with changing plans about every 5 minutes because it was raining. I had to try to decide if we were still going to have soccer, if the field was too wet, etc… so I was busy getting all of that organized. The rain here has been increasing everyday. We were informed that there is a 60% chance that a hurricane storm will be hitting us later tonight.

Nevertheless, daunting task of talking about the last few days still remains.

Working with the older girls this week has been really different than normal practices from previous weeks. At first, I was worried about a couple things: 1) all of the younger girls still showing up and me not having activities for them or a person to coach them and 2) that after the practice, when we had the educational/talk session with the older girls, it would be difficult to create an intimate atmosphere on a soccer field where there are always tons of people who stand around us.  I am glad I have learned not to worry about things like that too much though, and just ask God to provide. And he always does, often in unexpected ways and by making my plans not work so HIS does. For example, this week we had planned on using a small soccer field by the high school (about a 5 minute walk from the mission) since ASSL practices on the bigger field almost all morning now. However, when we walked there, we couldn’t get in. School isn’t in session right now, but they are having some kind of exam there all morning almost everyday this week. The only other quick option I could come up with was to go to the courtyard of the church across the street from the mission. It’s a small gravel surface, but it’s gated and would have just enough room. The actual soccer practice was a little frustrating because the space was so small, we had about 16 older girls, and we have like 3 soccer balls left so there was little we could do except play crowded games. After the practice I had everyone come in (a lot of the little girls did show up, but God provided a couple people from the mission group that day to go with me and play with them on the side the whole time) so we could pray then the little girls left and older ones stayed. I realized that the church was a perfect place to do our study time. We climbed up on the roof and for the next hour talked about a range of topics- starting with introductions and them telling me if they like Shakira or Beyonce more (Beyonce won by a landslide) and ending with an oral quiz about HIV/AIDS. I am use to having an entourage of male security with me so I tried telling them that this part was just for the girls because I wanted to create an atmosphere where they were comfortable sharing and talking about personal topics. They didn’t understand though, and came anyway, no matter what I suggested…”you need to stay down here to watch the soccer balls”…”just go back to the mission and rest until lunch.” So it was difficult bringing up the topic of sex when there were still 3 guys standing around. Finally I just did though and then looked at them and said it might be a good time to leave…I didn’t have to repeat myself. They finally understood and were out pretty fast J

The translating part was the most difficult, because I felt like the situation was turned to “I’m the teacher, you’re the student” (which seems to be the only way they are use to people teaching them). I explained to my interpreter later that I wanted it to be more of a discussion than a lecture. Yesterday, it was much better. The problem was was that the girls didn’t want to share their thoughts much. First, we went over some of the questions from the quiz (which I was impressed how well they did really good on). The most frequent missed questions was what is the difference between HIV and AIDS. After we talked about that we also talked about ways you can get infected with HIV. One girl said smoking, another said tuberculosis: evidence of the myths that spread and lack of education at a young age to dispel them. I asked them to close their eyes and raise their hands if they knew anybody infected with HIV. No one did, which I was very thankful for.  At the end, I briefly introduced the subject of being victimized and had the girls think about a time they felt like a victim or all alone. Last night, I read through the sheets, all of which failed to answer the prompt and instead said “I LOVE YOU” or “THANK YOU.” That is all except for one. This one had more written on it, but I couldn’t understand it so I took it to one of my Haitian friends and them try to read it. All he could make out from the sloppy handwriting was “boy said to me…” and then something about her hair. I totally started to freak out, thinking that maybe she had been hurt or abused and tried to find someone who could read the handwriting. Finally, one of the other interns found an interpreter who could read it and started laughing. Apparently, this little girl was telling me something along the lines about how all the boys tell her that they like me. Sigh. It was hard to laugh after such a scare though. It made me smile though because all of their notes reminded me of their young innocence.

Today, since it was raining so much, I finally decided to just go to the church again and do activities with the girls inside. When we got to the courtyard, it was overwhelming to find it so crowded with tons of girls- especially young ones- and boys. I was so happy to see the younger girls like Nellie and Shalinda but I knew that if there was going to be any sort of control they all needed to be outside of the courtyard. It was already chaotic- as the older girls were going into the church a fight broke out right next to me between two girls- probably only 6 or 7 years old. I was suddenly in the middle of it trying to pull them away from each other, which turned out to be more difficult than expected. In the midst of them trying to hit and pull at each other’s hair I got hit too. It blows my mind at the violence that is so prevalent and accepted here sometimes. Once in the church, I showed the girls how to make bracelets with the yarn I found at the mission and for the next hour and a half they made TONS of them. The little girls started a chant outside of the church gate yelling “Caitlin! We want bracelet! Caitlin! We want bracelet!” It was more cute than crazy though since they were laughing and made it a song. I was laughing too- no matter how crazy they are, they are so stinkin cute! I encouraged the older girls to teach the younger ones how to make the bracelets if they had a chance. After making bracelets we did some team building exercises then had our discussion time. There were so many girls there today! 18! Some of the girls I had never seen before, and I hope that they come back tomorrow. Another girl I had to say bye to, because she is leaving for Port au Prince for the rest of the summer.

Our discussion today consisted of reviewing the things we have already gone over and trying to progress those subjects further. Then we talked about being victimized, not fitting in, feeling lonely some more. Although they still don’t share a lot, they did participate a lot more today. At the end I

Every morning before my girl’s soccer practice, I go up to the big field and help train the ASSL team. My role has become conditioning/strength person. I never know what the coach will tell me to work with them on until I arrive, but it always works out. Yesterday, it was especially beneficial because he said he wanted me to run them. I had a soccer workout I had to do anyways so we just did my workout and I ran with them…which helped push us both because they didn’t want a girl to beat them and I didn’t want to be trailing far behind. The players are all moving into a new house next week, as well, since they have had some problems with the current house. At the board meeting Sunday we walked to go see it. I was impressed by how big and nice it was. But then again, thinking about 25-30 men all living together there makes it a little less glamorous.

I was lucky enough to get my workout in the morning with the players yesterday, but recently I have had to resort to doing my running and ball work after lunch. Yes, this is the hottest time of the day, but it’s also the time of day where NO ONE is on the field. I’m going to miss a lot about Haiti, but working out here is not one of them… J Today, my workout was actually pretty fun though. When I got to the field it was drizzling/raining again, but I was grateful for the cool relief it brought from the heat. When I started to run, a boy that held my hand on the walk there started running with me. After my first lap, I saw that some other kids were watching from the side of the field- including a few girls from my soccer practices. When I ran by, they started running too. Some would stop after a lap or only run half, but they were having fun running next to me or chasing me. It was kind of  surreal when I started to think about it…running on a empty soccer field in the rain in Haiti with the ocean on one side of me and mountains on the other. Slipping around in my tennis shoes in the mud just added to the excitement J A couple other people from the mission came up to the field because they thought I would be playing soccer with the kids.  So when I finished running, we got out the soccer ball and had a game of barefoot soccer in the mud of boys versus girls. Playing in the mud was tough, but it was such a blast! I felt like I could have kept playing forever.

When I got back to the mission I spontaneously decided to have my hair braided (well it wasn’t too spontaneous…I think about it or shaving my head every morning when I try to pull back all 10 lbs of my hair). It took 2 ½ hours, but my full head of cornrows feels much better.

I’ve saved this part for last….

Other than my suddenly increasingly busy days, it is hard and daunting to blog because of all of the different emotions, thoughts, and feelings I have throughout each day. How can I possibly make sense of it all, let alone attempt to write it in a way that will make sense to others? God has been doing some amazing things in just the past couple days. Yesterday I nearly started sobbing, my heart was broken so much, but I felt like there was nowhere I could go to be alone to cry! I still feel the piercing in my heart and I want to tell you why…

It has been amazing getting to know the girls who come to my practices. Everyday I try to get to know them a little bit better, but it’s up to them if they want to share their stories with me. Meanwhile, I just want to show them I care about them. I hardly expected to be in the position I am now. First, it was Wanda. Wanda stood out to me from the beginning (I wrote about her on my blog some, but there is still a lot more about her that I haven’t shared yet). She has written me notes and one day I got to sit down with her and have a long personal conversation. It was then I found out she had to stop going to school 2 years ago because her family couldn’t afford it anymore. She lives with her grandmother, who takes care of 15 children in total- Wanda is the oldest so she deals with a lot of responsibility at just a young age of 14. Anyways, she felt like there was no hope for her since she can’t finish school. I asked her if she could be anything in the world what would she be- she said a nurse. I immediately thought about what it would take to sponsor Wanda by paying for her school to see her accomplish that dream and change the situation of her family forever….

I planned on going to talk to Magdala (who is in charge of getting people what they need and knowing what they need because she knows absolutely EVERYONE), but I hadn’t gotten around to it yet, because whenever I had a chance she wasn’t in her office or I didn’t have an interpreter with me.

With that in the background…

Mishanti is 13 and has been to almost every practice, always respectful and listening, but remaining in the background and a little timid. She stayed after practice Monday and asked one of the interpreters to get me. She said both of her parents died in the earthquake in port au prince and now she is living (i think with some sort of family member?) here. But she doesn’t have anything and asked me to maybe talk to someone at the mission for some help. Yesterday after practice I told her to come with me. I had her wait outside the mission gates as I explained to Magdala about the situation- she didn’t know who the girl was. We went and got her and brought her inside the mission and Magdala talked to her for a few minutes (I don’t really know what about…it wasn’t translated for me). At the end though, Magdala asked me how I wanted to help her. I said anyway I can, I just wanted to do it the right way and see that any money I could provide could be put to use. Could I send her to school? She said yes, I needed to talk to Wisley (who is in charge of a lot of stuff at the mission). Meanwhile, I asked Mishanti if she had food to eat and she said no, so we made sure she got sent to the nutrition program building to give her a calorie packed rice meal.

So right now I am in the process of trying to figure out the details of sponsoring these girls. If I am not able to fund it myself, I have talked to my family about maybe doing some kind of sponsorship together. Either way, I know God brought these girls to me and I know God will provide.  This has all been God. I know that the way to change the future for women is through education and he is providing the opportunity to do that for these girls! How amazing! All because they wanted to come play soccer…

Was the last time I updated really Wednesday? Wednesday seems like an eternity ago. So much happens in just one day, but for the sake of everyone I will try to just provide brief summaries

Thursday- Soccer practice started at 10. There was an available vehicle at the mission so we were lucky enough to get a ride to the field and get a break from lugging water coolers and soccer supplies for once! It did take a little while longer for the girls to get to the field though- usually they know its time because they see us walking there. We got a late start and an early finish- practice hadn’t been going on for more than 30 minutes when it started to rain and Haitians do NOT like rain. We played for a little bit longer, but a storm was coming in the distance. So I had all the girls come in and gave them all water then we came together to pray then I sent them home. Perfect timing. As we ran to the truck, it started pouring.

Friday- I went to the field early to help with the ASSL soccer practice. They are having week long try outs so their coach asked me to come help. I had no idea what I would be doing and was a little nervous. I think he probably thought I have more credentials then I actually do! I was a little surprised when he asked if I could do abs/back exercises with them. Heck yes! How did he know that’s what I love doing for my friends and teammates at home? I was so grateful God had him choose something that I didn’t have to plan out to be prepared for. It was interesting and a little comical leading 20 or so Haitian men soccer players in ab exercises. After the ASSL practice I set up for my girls practice. It had rained hard the night before and was still cloudy and rainy, so we had fewer numbers than usual. Since it was the last day with the younger girls, I wanted it to just be fun. We did sharks and minnows for warm up, which they loved. Then the rest of the time, I split them up into teams so that they could play short sided games. I had the older girls work on possession and passing in an enclosed space. It was rough at first. Ramey, my interpreter did a great job being patient and re explaining to them numerous times though and soon they were improving. When they were done, I told them that today was the last day for the younger girls, but not for them. Next week is practice for girls ages 12 and up. We will be practicing at a field next to a school, closer to the mission (that will hopefully be less crowded). The reason next week is for older girls is because we will be discussing adolescent related issues and also to provide a more intimate atmosphere with smaller numbers. They all seemed really excited and I am too! For devotions we talked about Martha and Mary. I asked how many of them had a sister and they all raised their hand! It was fun because I got to talk about my sisters to them a little bit too. In the afternoon, I went back to the field to work out. A lot of the interns weren’t doing anything because there isn’t a big group here right now, so they all decided to come too. The plan was to play some soccer when I finished my workout, but I was dead so we headed back to the mission. It wasn’t long though until some other people at the mission decided they wanted to go play soccer, so I caved and went with them. We went back to the big field and ended up playing full field 11 v 11- Americans vs. Haitians- for about an hour. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be- we only lost 3-0.

Today- There is no girls practice on Saturday and Sunday, but I headed to the field early this morning anyways to help with the ASSL practice again. The coach said I did a good job with fitness yesterday so I got to do it again today! haha. We set up 11 different stations for the players and had them switch stations/exercises every :45 seconds. 11 stations=1 circuit and the coach wanted them to do 3 circuits. They looked like they were dying after 1 circuit, but they somehow survived. After, I took them through different stretches and then they headed to the field to play. The coach asked if I wanted to play too. Um…YES! I threw on my cleats and ran on the field, eager to play wherever they wanted me to. Right outside wing? Sounds great. I jogged to my position and waited for kickoff. It was then that it hit me that I was standing on a field with 21 tall, strong, extremely fast professionally trained soccer players. Not only that, but there was at least an audience of 100 watching. What was I thinking? Gulp. I decided to just focus on not embarrassing myself. The biggest edge they had on me was their speed. Im not the quickest person to begin with, and they are extremely fast. Other than that, everyone has a hard time controlling a ball on a rock field with a horrible ball in 20 mph winds. It was fun and I’m looking forward to helping again on Monday.

Usually I go back to the field in the afternoons, but my body felt exhausted when I got back to the mission. So it wasn’t hard to agree when even my interpreter, Ramey, told me that he thought I should take an afternoon off. I was thankful to be able to relax some and get in a nap. I did get bored later so I decided to go out on the roof and juggle. Just before I put in my headphones, I thought I heard my name being yelled from the distance. I ignored it at first, figuring I had imagined it then I heard it again “Cait-lin!” coming from area that the roof looks out to. When I turned around I saw a little girl off in the distance. I am use to be recognized almost wherever I go now and hearing my name called by the girls, but surely someone wouldn’t recognize me from that far away, I thought. But she just kept yelling my name over and over. Finally I waved back as much as I could so she knew I could hear her, then I turned and put my headphones in again. It wasn’t long until I heard my name being yelled again, this time over my music even. I looked up the hill in the distance and saw that the girl was now waving beside 2 other girls as well, all screaming my name. We had a brief creole conversation, shouting to each other and asking how each other was. They ran down the hill a little ways and the first girl yelled “Shalinda!” I thought that was her! Shalinda is a beautiful, always smiling little girl, no older than 7. Then she yelled out her friends names to me too. I asked her if she lived on the hill and she said yes. We waved and laughed some more than they said bye and ran off. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with emotion. The friendship and love that these girls have shown me completely surpasses anything I feel that I have been capable of giving them. With my last week sneaking up on me, I am left thinking about these girls and their futures. I hate that I have to leave them and I wish that this program was something that they could be a part of consistently throughout the year. I pray that God somehow provides the means for that in his timing.

There was another small earthquake last night at about 2 am. I didn’t feel it, but I woke up to people trying to get out to the courtyard. Also, rain and wind has become a daily norm here. Many times it pours during the night and the wind is brutal throughout the day.

Tuesday, my teammate Kristin Pratt gets here. I absolutely can’t wait! Not only to have a little taste of home, but also to share with her this ministry and have her meet all the girls. I know they are going to love her!

After the meeting with ASSL yesterday, I discovered that I wouldn’t be able to use the field until 10 o clock today. I didn’t get much sleep last night because it was so windy (I sleep outside every night), and I wasn’t able to sleep in much, but not having to leave until 9:30 did make the morning pretty relaxing. Although, in the back of my head I was trying to remind myself to trust God. I was anxious to get to the field. At the end of practice yesterday, I told the girls practice would be at the same time as always (8:30), but since the change of plans, I only had the opportunity to tell a couple girls I saw walking back to the mission after the ASSL meeting that it wouldn’t be until 10. I was worried that all of the girls would show up to the field and think that I didn’t show up today. I accepted that there could possibly be only about 15 girls who showed up. So even though a truck was coming to take the water and some other people to the field, I still wanted to walk so that girls would be more likely to see me coming and know that we would still have soccer. We were halfway to the field and I turned the corner to continue the hike. The last thing I was expecting to see was about 25 girls right in my path. Caitlin! They yelled and latched unto every limb I have.I have managed to learn how to hold two hands in one of mine and walk up a steep hill pulling 6 girls alongside me, yet I don’t mind one bit. They immediately put a smile on my face.

We had about 40 girls today. I split them up into age groups, then teams of 5. They played 5 v 5 on short sided fields the rest of the time. It was so much fun and I was so glad they were getting a chance to just play. I mainly watched the older girls and was trying to teach them how to spread out. One thing I don’t have to teach them is how to be competitive. Every ball that goes out, they want it to be theirs. Every goal thats scored is the biggest deal. Every loose ball results in a battle on the field. Their tenacity is natural and contagious. One time, two girls were going for the ball and both ended up on the ground in a hard collision. I was fully expecting tears. Instead the girl, got up, brushed herself off, and kept playing. Heck yeah! She’s tough.

There were no balls stolen today!! YAY!!! The boys did put on an escapade though…they walked across the field, making a point to draw attention to a few of the boys who had pulled their pants down. The girls wanted to yell at them, but I told them not to look at them and definitely not to talk to them. It’s best to ignore them. When we didn’t give them the attention they wanted, they didn’t try anything the rest of practice.

Today’s devotional was about Deborah. I talked about how she had lead an army into battle and how she told Barak that the Lord would provide victory. He is marching ahead of them. We talked about the battles they face in their own lives, many of them mentioned things like having food to eat and dealing with friends. I was aching to talk to some of the older girls about their own battles in a more intimate atmosphere where they would be more apt to sharing. We talked about how God wasn’t walking behind them, waiting to see if they would mess up and fix their mistakes, it also didn’t say he was just walking beside them as a friend would. No, he was marching AHEAD of them. That means He was the first one to confront and weaken the enemy. He was their protector, their shield, their leader. The battles in life are much less scary when we remind ourselves God has marched out ahead of us to meet them for us.

It was ironic that I spoke of Deborah and battles today. I soon learned the downside to their toughness and competitiveness after devotions. For some reason, little fights kept breaking out. A few girls kept pushing other girls-not just friendly nudges, but strong shoves that sent them stumbling- for reasons I’ll never know. It truly upset me and I told them that if I ever saw them be violent again then they wouldn’t be allowed back to my practices. Luckily, they stopped. There is so much violence in their lives already, I hate to see it filter into their own behavior, especially at such a young age.

We got back in time for lunch, there was a pretty strong storm, then it stopped and I went to the field to workout at 4. I went to a different field, closer to the mission. I had no idea it even existed until one of the interpreters told me about it today. I was excited to see it and was hoping it could be a place I could have soccer next week with the older girls, that way we don’t have to worry about working around the ASSL practice schedule. The field is on the campus of a high school which is just a short, easy 5 minute walk from the mission. I was so excited to see that it had a gate and seemed secluded, even though it wasn’t a full sized field. It looked like it could work good to use for soccer practices, but I knew my workout was going to be miserable. It was a very small area to run in, I knew I would be running around the field in circles over and over. Oh well, at least it was quiet and people wouldn’t be staring or yelling at me the whole time right? Wrong. After the first 10 minutes, a stream of students started coming out of the school (which I didn’t understand because they are on summer vacation right now). They walked along the soccer field, staring at me and trying to get my attention. They took up a lot of the room I was running in, so for about 15 minutes I ran up and down a small edge of the other side of the field about 50 times. At home, I often use running as an escape and to help me unwind. Running and working out here is such an added stress! I hate knowing that everyone stares at me the whole time. It’s horrible. It’s interesting because at home, I feel like there is always such a pressure from society to make yourself stand out, to make yourself distinct. Here, though, I find myself wishing I could just blend in sometimes and not be so obviously different in appearance. I guess being an American girl who plays soccer and runs doesn’t help my situation much. My security guards are great though…I actually had three go with me today because they all love feeling like they are protecting me. Too bad they couldn’t protect me when I started playing 3 v 3 with some of the guys standing around. These guys were playing tough- pushing, fouling, and tripping- at first I didn’t know what to think of their dirty tactics, but then I was grateful that at least they weren’t going easy on me because I was a girl. After I was scraped up and dirty from head to toe though, my security friends told me that they thought we should go, haha. These guys go to the soccer field with me pretty much everyday too- Ernst, Ramey, and Lunes. Ernst is 19 and was born in Tortuga. When he was 14 he got on  boat to come over here, and the boat wrecked so he had to swim the rest of the way. He goes to school here and lives by himself. He has a great heart, is very smart, and wants to be successful so he can help his country. He is funny- everyday he tells me he hopes God blesses my ministry. I tell him that he already is. Ramey is 27 and lives in a house next to the mission with his 2 younger sisters, brother, and 2 aunts. He is also a welder, but only does that when someone provides the money and machinery for him to work, since the machinery can be so expensive. He learned English on his own after high school, because he wanted to come to the mission and work. He is probably one of the best interpreters and he always helps out at practices with the girls. Lunes is 24 and lives close to the mission as well. He has a wife and a three year old daughter. All of them work so hard and I am grateful that they have had such a servant’s heart for working with this ministry.

Tomorrow we will all be going to the main field again at about 9:30 so we can start practice by 10.

I only have about 15 minutes to tell you about a very full day so I apologize in advance for typos, bad grammar, and unorganized ideas.

It felt weird today going to the soccer field with only 7 other people (and just one other American). Alex, who is an intern here, and who actually goes to Georgetown College, went with me. Today I split up the younger girls and older girls. There are so many 7-10 year olds who come! They are so much fun and adorable- today, while we were waiting to get on the field to practice they surrounded me, trying to touch my hair and talk to me. Usually, I am use to them pinching my skin or pressing on my hands…they like to see the way it makes my skin look. What I didn’t expect today and had to laugh out loud about was one girl who kept rubbing the back of my leg. I had no idea what it was and it freaked me out the first couple times. But then I figured out who it was coming from and realized she was wanting to touch my smooth legs. Women here don’t shave, so I can understand her curiosity!

Anyways, I split the two groups up today, because its hard to develop the skills of the older girls when there are so many young ones. Alex played games with the little ones while I did some dribbling with the older girls. After a water break we went back out and I set up a simple drill that created 2 v 1 situations. We spent 25 minutes explaining and maybe 10 minutes playing. I could tell it was frustrating for them and the interpreters were really frustrated too. When the interpreters don’t understand what I’m saying, it can quickly create frustration. But I have learned to be patient and I didn’t want to give up, I saw that the girls were catching on little by little and I asked the interpreters not to yell at them. It is important to remember that everything is still new for them! They aren’t just going to catch on to everything right away. We came together after and I asked them if that was frustrating for them. They all said yes. I think I surprised them when I said good. The reason why was because I like to see them challenged. When things are difficult and they are challenged, that means they have the opportunity to improve and to grow. I told them that today was hard, but tomorrow when we do it it will be better. And the next day will be even better. I can’t wait to see their faces when they are doing it like pro’s!

The devotion today was about Ruth. I asked them to imagine if a new family moved to their community from France (it was the first country I thought of) and they married one of the boys from the family. The boy and his family learned to speak Creole, act like Haitians, and dress like Haitians, that is all except the mother. The mother kept her French ways and didn’t fit in well. Suddenly, their husbands father dies, then their husbands brother, than finally their brother. Their mother is the only one left, so in despair she decides to go back to France. I asked them if they would go with their mother-in-law back to France to take care of her. They all quickly responded with “Wi!” But then I asked, what if you didn’t know the language? What if you knew other’s would not accept you because of the way you spoke and dressed? What if you knew you would never see your family again? Would you still go? Most of them hesitated then and even responded No. I admitted that I wasn’t even sure if I would go. It would be very difficult. Well that was the situation in, and yet she didn’t hesitate. Instead she proclaims one of the most profound passages of love in Ruth 1:16 where she says she will go where Naomi goes and she will die where Naomi dies. Her husband dying and her move to France were life changing events for Ruth. Had they ever had life changing events? No one shared, but I got numerous nods. I explained to them that this reminds me of Gods love. He is with us wherever we go, and even during life changing events. In fact, He is capable of changing our lives in ways we can’t imagine.

This afternoon, Wanda, a 14 yr old girl who has stood out to me from the beginning, and I had a conversation at the mission. She comes to the mission everyday after practice because her younger sister is in the nutrition program here. I don’t have time to write everything about her right now and I want to dedicate an entire blog post about her soon, but I wanted to give you a heads up

At 4 the Barnabas intern’s were suppose to have a special meeting with the chairman of the board of directors who has been here the past week. We were going to walk across the street to the mission church and receive a history of the mission that they had already given the other interns. Things got suspicious when we were about to go out the gate and Melonnie (who was leading us) suddenly remembered she forgot the key to the church. Immediately after, something was thrown at us. No, it was a Haitian revolt, as one of the other Barnabas interns later admitted that she thought it was, it was a water balloon. For the next 15 minutes, the other interns launched over 300 water balloons at us from their surrounding positions on the roof of the mission. I managed to seek shelter under a tree and remained relatively dry…until when I thought it was finally over and someone poured a bucket of water on me from above. It was all pretty fun though and it actually felt good to get a midday bath!

I changed immediately so I could go to the soccer field with Grant for a meeting with some of the ASSL coaches/leaders. To make a long story short (my 15 minutes is running up) I met the owner of the ASSL team (the professional soccer team in St. Louis). We talked about the girls league and he talked to a couple people who were interested in helping me when they could for the next week or so. Great! Now maybe I can convince them to try to provide a soccer practice and devotion for the girls at least once a week after I leave…

Ok. Time to go. I will try to update tomorrow!

No more waking up at 5 in the morning to run…sad i know. I have been getting up and going with Eveline, a 17 yr old Haitian girl who lives at the mission, but I was informed that because the soccer field has been a place of security concern for the past week or so, they are requiring me to take some kind of security with me when I go. I don’t think they realize the fight training my big brother has put me through…but I agreed to let them “protect” me, even though I have felt like being at the field at 5 in the morning is actually one of the most peaceful parts of my day. So today I got to sleep in until 5:45 and went to the field at 8:30 with nine other Americans from a church in Eugene Oregon (the same group that worked with me last week as well). They are super great and have been God sent helpers to this ministry! I am going to miss not having them with me anymore!

When we showed up at the field, the ASSL sponsored boys league in the city was having a scrimmage, so we waited around a few minutes until it was over. As soon as it finished, I began setting up drills and stations. Soon, Wesline was walking towards me with a man I didn’t recognize…a man I saw was wearing a ASSL shirt. I thought he was going to tell me that his practice wasn’t over yet or something, but instead I was surprised when I learned that what he wanted to tell me was that “I should buy cleats for the girls. They need cleats to play on the field. They can’t play good in their sandals and barefoot.” The sharp pang in my chest quickly reminded me of all of the soccer supplies I had shipped to Haiti for the girls league 2 months ago, but I still have yet to see. I explained to him that I had a shipment of donated cleats that were suppose to come, but haven’t made it yet and that yes, I agreed with him. They need cleats and I wish there was just a soccer store around here I could go buy them at. With that explanation, he was quickly and strangely satisfied, and without an introduction or farewell, he immediately left. So…it wouldn’t hurt to pray for that shipment to come in Another truckload of supplies is suppose to be coming in sometime soon I think and it would definitely be praiseworthy if that soccer gear was on there!!!

Soccer practice went really good again today though. There were about 30 girls that came. Great number! We were able to split them up into groups of no more than 8 and work with them at different stations. At the end we came together and I talked about Esther. I explained to the girls at the beginning that this week would be about different women in the Bible and asked them if they knew of any already. They couldn’t name any besides Mary. One girl did say Esther, but when I asked her to explain more, she didn’t have anything else to say about her. This saddened me, but also excited me that they have the opportunity to be exposed to a different aspect of the Bible and God’s love.

I really enjoyed using Esther’s story to remind the girls that they are all in positions for a reason. Not only that, but they are royalty, just like Esther was. We may not get personal hairdressers or wear fancy clothes, but we are the queens and princesses of God. We should approach situations as if we are representing the kingdom of God. He has chosen us all for a purpose, weather great or small. The interesting thing is, when I was re-reading this story last night to figure out what I was going to talk about, I noticed that the book of Esther doesn’t even really seem like it’s suppose to revolve around her. It seemed like Mordecai was the character who was meant to be most revered in the end. After all, he was the one telling Esther what to do, and he was the one who was recorded as rising to such high ranks and being talked about in such high esteem in all the lands. So why is the book called Esther? Why have we chosen to focus on a character in this chapter, who we really are not given that much personal information about? We don’t even find out what happens to Esther in the end- only Mordecai and the King (In fact the chapter begins and ends with the king). I’m not really sure the answer to these questions, although, right now, I enjoy the fact that it leaves a sense of mysteriousness to Esther that every woman should possess. I hope I can do a more in depth study about Esther sometime and if anyone else reading this knows more about her and the context it was written, feel free to share!

Back to my day…the heat here leaves my body completely exhausted during the middle of the day. I was dreading my workout, but started to feel better when a breeze picked up. By 4:00, it actually seemed just as cool as it had been at 5:00. The downside was that the soccer field was a lot more crowded. As a I did my sprints, kids were sitting on the sides yelling at me the whole time and I didn’t get more than 15 minutes of personal ball work time until I had an entire audience watching and wanting to share my soccer ball. So I decided to set up some cones for goals and we played 2 v 2 for awhile. Warning: there is apparently no out of bounds when playing Haitian soccer. I was completely exhausted, but it felt great! It was also great to see a bunch of the girls at the field! They have all learned my name though, so sometimes it’s confusing when I hear it coming from a million different directions. On the way back to the mission, we stopped at a house right next to the soccer field that I walk past everyday. There was a woman on the porch and she told the 2 haitians with me that she wanted to meet me. So I walked up and introduced myself to Naomi. She seems young-late 20′s perhaps. She was nursing her one year old daughter- Salina- and said that she needed cream for her babies rash on her arm. I told her to go to the mission and they would help her and to use my name if she had to (I’m not sure how much good my name will do, but maybe then I could talk to someone with actual authority). Anyways, it was an interesting encounter. I’m sure I will continue to see her on my way to and from the field.

A lot more is on my mind, but I feel like there is neither time nor space to talk about it all.

2 weeks down. 2 more to go.

This morning I woke at 5 wanting to do anything but get out of bed and go run. Making myself lift my head from my pillow is always the hardest part. Soon, me and Eveline were on our way to the field. When I got there, I was surprised to see Nadiada, a 15 year old girl who comes to my practices. I noticed her the first day because she was beating most people one on one- and playing barefoot. She came to the field this morning with her own soccer ball to work on getting better. I was so pumped! I told her that I would work with her after I finished running. While I ran, she ran too, then we spent time working on ball control and soccer moves.  There is nothing that makes me happier than when I see players working on getting better on their own. I can’t help but dream up dreams for her continuing her training and playing for the Haiti National Team….I know, I know…take one day at a time

When I got back to the mission, I still wasn’t sure what to expect with how soccer camp would go this morning. It was the last day with the help of the other Americans and I wanted it to go well, but I had no idea how that would happen without just trusting God that he would take care of it and answer my prayers for a controlled environment!  A passage from 2 Chronicles 20:15-17 seemed to be the exact message that God was trying to remind me of:

‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the

battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They

will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end

of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this

battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the

LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be

discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with

you.’

That was really inspirational to read this morning! It revamped me and made me realize that poverty and violence is not my battle to fight- It’s God’s. No matter how big the enemy looks we should not be discouraged and we should not give up. Things may feel hopeless, but that’s because we feel we are fighting alone. Instead, we should go out each day with faith and courage, knowing that our duty is to be where God has called us to be- He will do the rest in his timing and He WILL be victorious.

I was concerned about the security not doing their job yesterday, so they sent 6 security with me today and Ivenor (who hires the security) got on them. I talked to them before we left and told them what I wanted: no boys on the soccer field. If they couldn’t behave or respect us, then they would not be allowed to come in. We were going to try to use as few soccer balls as possible to make it harder to steal the balls (only one or two balls at each station). One of the security stepped up and took leadership of the rest, he came to me and said that he was going to make sure things went good today and that he was in charge of the other guys. Finally! Part of the problem yesterday was that the security was so disorganized and they weren’t working together to do their job. Today was so much better! The boys sat on the wall while the girls did their camp. We had over 50 girls!! At the end, the American group did a skit and provided the message. It went so good and smooth! It was amazing!!!

This afternoon I went down to the granmoun (where some elderly Haitians live) and made friendship bracelets for them with another girl. They are so much fun! It would be a blast to have a soccer team of granmouns

Next Practice is Monday morning! Tomorrow I am going to go with a group on about a four mile hike (one way) to a waterfall. I didn’t go last year when everybody went because that was the day I went to go see the soccer field instead. Crazy how that one simple decision ended up changing so much for me.

Thanks everybody for your prayers and thoughts!

Tiredness+5 o clock wake up time+long day= short post.

At about 3:30 this morning there was an earthquake. Before going to bed there was a really big storm, so my when I woke up to a loud rumbling and hearing the roof and bunk beds shake, I thought it was just really powerful thunder. Then in a split second, I felt my bed shake beneath me and I knew it was an earthquake. We all went out to the courtyard, away from any structures, just for safety precautions. Everyone was fine. Some people had even slept through it. There hasn’t been much other available information about it.

Soccer camp was crazy/good. The field was flooded with boys who refused to leave the field or even go to the other half of the fieldso that we could do our soccer camp for the girls. So we did it anyways and dealt with their noise and interruptions. At least 3 more of our soccer balls were stolen by them. So since they were still around at the end, I invited the boys to join in our devotion, which was about honesty and truthfulness. “What are some ways we can practice honesty during soccer?” I asked them. How bout not stealing soccer balls….

oh, and then shortly after the closing prayer a fight broke out among the guys. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t saddened by the disrespect and chaos that plagues the community and the soccer field day after day. But I am hopeful for tomorrow and I know it’s another chance for God to do His work.